In most cases, a person’s sexuality is strictly her own business. Attempting to "figure her out" just to satisfy your curiosity is unethical, and will even put your friend in danger of homophobic harassment. However, if your friend is crushing on you or the other way around, you'll got to address it. Rather than trying to settle the question of your friend's identity, find out what your goal is. Are you trying to defuse things and just be friends? Or are you trying to show the friendship into something more? Whichever side of this you're coming from, it takes a careful approach to avoid damaging the friendship.
Defusing a Possible Crush
1. Respect your friend's right to privacy. If she may need a crush on you, however, you'll help defuse this and save the friendship. If that's your goal, reframe your thinking. You do not need your friend to confess; you only got to return to an uncomplicated friendship.
Never tell somebody else you think that your friend may be a lesbian.
2. Search for signs. You are doing not need to be 100% certain before you are doing something. You'll probably still suspect something or second-guess your friend until you clear the air. However, if you're hesitating or doubting yourself, you'll check for the subsequent signs of a possible attraction:
Physical touch is common in female friendships, but only to some extent. If your friend holds your hand on the road, gives you massages, or hugs you for a strangely while , she may need a crush on you.
She contacts you constantly, and gets upset if you're taking too long to reply.
She gets upset if you spend time with other friends rather than her.
3. Let her down gently. There are ways to defuse things without prying into your friend's personal life. During a personal conversation, make it clear that you simply aren't interested without putting your friend on the spot. Here are a couple of hints you'll drop (but only use them if they're true):
"I want to seek out a man so far."
4. Clear up mixed signals. If you've got cuddled, kissed, or done anything together with your ally that would lead her on, stop and believe why you probably did it. If you're definitely not curious about dating your friend, this behavior can cause heartache. Set new boundaries for your relationship, albeit she tries to argue with you.
Say "I think we should always stop (cuddling/having sleepovers/etc.). i do not want to send you the incorrect signal."
5. Address her directly. If your friend doesn't react well to the changes in your relationship, you would like to mention the elephant within the room. For instance, if your friend acts jealous of your dates or other friends, or if she gets upset whenever you do not hang around together with her, she may have a crush on you. At now, A private, heart-to-heart talk could be the sole thanks to move forward.
Whatever her response, let her know you are doing not have romantic feelings for her.
If you're straight or a lesbian, you'll tell her that, but if you're unsure, it is best to not share that within the same conversation. this is often a conversation for an additional time.
If she is angry or scared that you simply mentioned her sexuality, use a de-escalating phrase like “We don’t need to mention it,” or “Don’t worry, it’s your business, I just wanted to urge this out there.” Just confirm you continue to include the important part: that you simply don't have feelings for her.
6. Spend a while apart. If it seems your friend was curious about you, she's a minimum of a touch heartbroken immediately. Suggest that you simply stop hanging out temporarily while the 2 of you're employed through this. Try to not contact one another for a minimum of fortnight. once you both feel ready, ease back to the friendship with short, low-pressure meetups, sort of a half hour lunch during a public place. Make it clear that you simply are still her friend, and you would like the friendship to continue.
If your friend is questioning her sexuality, this might be a really difficult time for her. Tell her there are LGBT resources and hotlines she will find online to assist her. (Or if she was clearly crushing on you but didn't begin , tell her there are resources "for what she goes through.")
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