This message is one that we have all heard at one time or another. Whether it was a parent, a teacher, or an actual friend who felt out of place; the person who delivered the message tried to get us to keep our secrets to ourselves. But within our close group of friends, there is an unwritten rule of confidentiality. What is said here remains here. It is with this idea that you are free to share every last detail of your life with the people you trust the most.
However, where should you draw the line? There must be certain parts of your life that have to stay behind closed doors, right? Your relationship with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is where you need to draw the line in the sand. There are certain things your friends just do not need to know. For better or worse, better or worse, the finer details of your most important relationship should remain at home. Below you will find 12 such topics that are outside limits for those happy hour gab sessions and Sunday afternoons, beer causing 'open mic's while football is on.
1. Money problems
Money is a sensitive topic for almost anyone who does not have a million dollars in the bank. If you and your partner are having trouble saving or paying off debt, then this is not someone but you. You have to work together to find a plan to make it happen. If you need any help figuring it out, seek advice from an objective party. By spilling the information to your friends, you are betraying the trust of the person with whom you are. Be tight lipped on this.
2. Your partner's violations
If one of you cheated and you try to work it out, you will tell your friends about it to completely derail the process. Going out on the one you love is a universal negative in the world we live in, so you will only invite judgment into your relationship. No matter how you try to rationalize with your friends, they will not understand your perspective. Only work through with your partner.
3. Share anything you do not mind sharing with your partner
He's not great in bed. She's a pushover. If there is something that you have about the person you are with, but you have not had a conversation with them about it, then it is outside limits for conversations outside. Do not use your partner's shortcomings as stand up comedy material for you and your friends. If there is anything that bothers you about your wife or husband, be honest with her about it.
4. Naked selfies and stuff like that
If there are intimate details of your relationship such as some nude photos or nasty emails being sent, it is not necessary to show one of your friends. Your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife does not have to say 'just in front of your eyes' with every juicy message they send. It is implied. Understand that they are trying to engage you, not to become a topic of conversation in your social circle.
5. Your partner's past
Maybe he cheated. Maybe she had an ugly divorce with her ex. It does not matter what the problem is, it is not necessary to send it out. Just because you have accepted their past does not mean that your friends will do the same. It's clear they've put it behind them, so let's stay there. By using it as a conversation piece outside of your relationship, you are betraying their trust in a big way.
6. Your sex life
What you do behind closed doors with the person you love should stay behind closed doors. Being sexual and intimate with someone is one of the most vulnerable acts to which a person can expose himself. Sharing the details reduces the value of those intimate moments with your partner. No one needs to know how many times you've done it in the past month, or how tame or wild it is. If the two of you are happy with how it is going downhill, that's all that matters.
7. Something they have shared with you in confidence
It should be understood that the level of confidentiality with your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend is as high as it gets. It is a safe space where they can share about their friends, family or colleagues without worrying that what they have said will be shared by everyone else. If they find out that what they have said found it in the ear of someone who is not you, the trust in your relationship will be broken. If you break that trust, then encourage them to keep their thoughts to themselves. This will lead to more secrets, white lies, and a battlefield of discontent. Keep the safe space safe.
8. Details of the last fight
No one is perfect. Not you, not your partner, and certainly not your friends and family. Even though we are all aware of this, we all judge those who make mistakes. If you and your partner are in a fight, that's your business. By telling your social circle or your family, you open the door to judgment. It does not matter who is to blame for the fight. Find a way to solve the problem in your relationship, because by sharing the details, you will soon guarantee yourself another fight. Telling anyone who is willing to listen will not solve the problem; work on it with the person you love.
9. That awful gift they gave you
It's one thing about the gift they do not like you, it's even worse when you tell all your friends about it. Two things could have happened when they gave you that gift. Telling your friends will only make it worse. Tell your partner you do not appreciate that he or she has not thought much about what they have for you.
10. The insecurity of your partner
I may sound like a broken record here, but your marriage as a relationship is a sacred safe space. Maybe your husband is a little overweight. Maybe your wife is an introvert and is not a big fan of social events. Do not damage the trust of your relationship by making these private pieces of it public. It's hard enough for her to share that insecurity with you, to see how sharing it with others will undoubtedly break her heart.
11. How they feel about your friends
This information is based on need to know, and your friends absolutely do not need to know. If your partner is not a fan of your friends, it is not the end of the world. They are your friends, not theirs. As long as everyone is civil, that's all that matters. Want to know how you can change things from civil to destructive? Tell all your friends that your husband or girlfriend does not enjoy their company.
12. Problems with the in laws
When you get married, you not only merge the lives of two people; you are contributing to the lives of two families. What happens within the relationships of those two families should not be sent to your inner circle. Some people have great relationships with their in-laws, others have occasional problems. Do not let your friends know which camp you live in.
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