New relationships bring up a lot of questions: “Is this going anywhere?” “Do they really like me?” “Do I really like them?” Answering these questions sincerely can help you avoid heartache down the line, and prevent you from dragging someone else down with your emotional baggage. If you’re even the slightest bit unsure of whether you truly like someone or if you’re just seeing them to avoid loneliness, you need to back off for a bit. Find out for sure how you feel about this person by closely examining the relationship and filling your time with other activities besides the relationship. Finally, learn how to dodge a rebound relationship..
Taking Time to Assess the Relationship
1. Know the typical signs of a serious attraction. If you’re not convinced you’re really into someone, it’s good to know the usual indicator of a strong attraction. In general, when you really like another person, you seem to think about them all the time, even when you’re not with them. You can’t wait to learn all about them.
You’re excited to introduce them to your friends. The hot girl/guy in the apartment across the hall no longer catches your interest. You feel like you’re invincible.
If you don’t feel overly excited about the prospect of seeing this other person and getting to know more about them, chances are, you could be just using them to fill a void.
2. Ask for some space. A great way to get to the bottom about your feelings is to take a break from the relationship. Getting some time apart can help you reflect on your attraction for the person and decide how you feel when they’re not around.
You don’t have to come out and tell the person why you need space. But, you can say, “We’re moving really fast and I want to slow it down. Can you give me the week/weekend to think?
3. Identify what you like about this person. Spend some time reflecting on what attracted you to your partner. Sit down and make a list. Review your list for any red flag that point to this person being a solution for your loneliness.
For example, does your list describe their quirky personality, honesty, and ambition, which are healthy traits to desire in a partner? Or, do you simply like that they are always available when you call?
Other examples might be that this person is attractive and makes you look good in front of your friends. Maybe you don't care about them beyond the fact that they symbolize your ability to find an attractive mate.
4. Question whether anyone could fill their void. Now for the moment of truth: ask yourself if there is something truly unique about the other person that attracts you. Reflect on this as you get space from the relationship. What are they providing that is special and different from what you get from others?
Can someone else fulfill their purpose? For example, are you glad to have someone to go out with on weekends? Pretty much anyone can give you that. If that’s all you value about the other person, you could be unknowingly using them to avoid loneliness.
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