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Husband and wife relationship

Nagging: The Toxic Silent Killer in Relationships

One of the toxic silent killers in relationships is nagging. No one likes to be nagged at especially in a relationship. continually fault finding, complaining in an annoying way towards a partner can slowly put the person off. It is normal for a partner to nag once in a while but when your partner says your nagging is killing him, then he or she may not be exaggerating. It is better to take note of it and work towards avoiding it.

Both men and women can be control freaks and nagging can be fed by the habit of making a note of every move your spouse makes, their lack of effort, their flaws and much more. However, women have been proven to nag more in relationships compared to men.  Unlike men, women do not come straight out with what it is they want, they want the man they're in a relationship with to know what they want without them having to spell it out. In an effort to express their need, they tend to nag.

There are some women who nag all the time but find it difficult to accept that they nag. Not everyone is able to tell whether or not they nag, some do it unconsciously all the time but when their attention is drawn to it, they deny it justifying all the moments they have nagged. However putting conscious effort into knowing whether you are a nag or not will help you to work towards stopping it. 

A nag may be too focused on the partner's behavior. If you are constantly complaining towards your partner for every trivial thing such as forgetting your birthday and finding faults in everything the person does, then you are likely to be a nag.

It is not a bad thing to check out the behavior of your partner in a relationship but overly focusing on your partner’s behavior and trying to figure out what he or she does wrong often can cause you to be a nag. That is, you will constantly be reminded of the person’s mistakes while neglecting the good side of the person. When this happens you may end up complaining about almost everything the person will do and that will make you a nag. Another possible sign that you are a nag is if you are behaving like a parent to your husband.

For instance if as a wife you are a dominant person who controls and sets tone in your marital relationship, it is easily likely for that to slip into a state where you become like a parent to your husband. That can make you become a controlling wife to your husband as you will always nag him to do things your way. 

Some people take nagging on a lighter note when informed that they nag. However, the effect nagging can have on a relationship is nothing to write home about. Nagging can push your partner to the point of resentment. Your daily complaints and controlling behavior can push your husband or wife away from you to the point where the person may resent you.

Nagging constantly sends your husband the message that he is not good enough, doesn't respect you, and that you think you are better than him. This can always push him away from you and when he gets used to living a peaceful life away from you, he is likely to end the relationship as well.

No person wants to be constantly nagged at. If your partner always comes home to nagging then staying outside will be a priority for him. Also, nagging will devoid him of peace of mind which may even turn the love he has for you into resentment. This can lead to fights in relationships and in some cases, may even lead to the end of marital relationships.

Considering the effects nagging can have on a relationship, it is important for a nagging partner to figure out ways by which they can deal with their nagging nature. If you are a nag, always try to favour positive reinforcement over criticisms. Nobody is perfect, if your husband is having bad habits you want him to correct, do not criticize him, encourage him to work on it.

Talk to him in a calm decision making manner instead of judging and complaining which may make him feel angry and if care is not taken, make the situation worse. Also, always try to focus on yourself more of your focus is entirely on your partner. By focusing on your partner entirely you may forget your own flaws which together with your constant nagging, can be a recipe for disaster. So try and focus on yourself as well and do not let all your happiness depend on your partner.

If all your happiness depends on your partner that is when you will be too fixated on their behaviors. You will constantly be checking to see if they are doing things to make you happy and the least thing they may be doing wrong, you will end up nagging them. Nagging is a relationship killer, beware of it.

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