Here are some indications that your relationship may not be healed:
1. Love has turned into hate.
Many couples will tell me that there are times when they feel like they want to kill their spouse, but they still love them. Some say love is lost, but they are still tired and want to return the love. But once love has turned into hatred, the relationship may need to end.
2. Relationships are dominated by accusation and shame.
Care and respect are essential elements of a good marriage. Problem relationships often fall into the trap of blaming another partner and putting them down or calling them names.
3. Physical and emotional abuse
Some unhappy marriages end in violence. Physical and emotional abuse exists and there are real fears for the safety of family members.
4. You're being accused of everything.
When problems arise, both parties often play a role in creating the problem and resolving the problem. But if one person constantly blames the other and believes that they are the cause of all the problems, it is an indication that the relationship is stuck.
5. Betrayal is a common occurrence.
We often think of betrayal as an act of sexual infidelity on the part of some couples. But betrayal can be emotional and sexual. When we do not feel secure and do not rely on our partners for physical and emotional support, it may be time to leave.
6. Relationships can make you sick.
All relationships can be stressful, but chronic stress can cause serious problems, including everything from breast cancer to heart problems. If a relationship makes you sick, you may need to break up.
7. You or your partner are looking for ways to stay away from the relationship.
When relationships are no longer happy, we often find ways to stay away from each other. We work long hours and find reasons not to come home.
8. You or your partner are giving your best to someone else.
As we release our energy from relationships, we gradually begin to share more with others. We can make good friends as we share our true feelings. We focus our attention elsewhere and give others what we no longer give to our partners.
9. You and your partner lead separate lives.
Relationships may be high, but we live different lives. Our interests are elsewhere and our lives and those of our partners are empty shells.
10. Both partners have given up hope.
There are no efforts to improve matters. Relationships have become cold and brittle. One or both partners are waiting for the right moment to leave, but both have lost their love.
No one can tell anyone when it's time to leave. When someone comes to me, I do tests with them to look deeper into the relationship. We look at how long the relationship has lasted, whether there are children involved, what the spouses have done to get help, what each of them wants to be in the future.
Not all relationships can be saved and some must end so that each partner can breathe and move on with his or her life.
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