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Love relationship


Dating Romantic

When Are You Ready to Get Married?

It used to be when you’d hit certain financial and social milestones: when you had a home to your name, a set of qualifications and a few cows and a parcel of land in your possession.


But when, under the influence of Romantic ideology, the focus shifted to emotions. The right feelings included the sense that the other was ‘the one’, that you understood one another perfectly and that you’d both never want to sleep with anyone else again.

These ideas, though touching, have proved to be an almost sure recipe for the eventual dissolution of marriages – and have caused havoc in the emotional lives of millions of otherwise sane and well-meaning couples.

We are ready for marriage:

1.    When we give up on perfection: We should not only admit in a general way that the person we are marrying is very far from perfect. We should also grasp the specifics of their imperfections.

2.    When we despair of being understood: Love starts with the experience of being understood in a deeply supportive and uncommon way. They understand the lonely parts of you; you don’t always have to explain yourself.

3.    When we are ready to love rather than be loved: Confusingly, we speak of ‘love’ as one thing, rather than discerning the two very different varieties that lie beneath the single word: being loved and loving. We should marry when we are ready to love and are aware of our unnatural, immature fixation on being loved.

4.    When we understand that sex and love do and don’t belong together: The Romantic view expects that love and sex will be aligned. But in truth, they won’t stay so beyond a few months or, at best, one or two years. This is not anyone’s fault. Because marriage has other key concerns, sex will suffer. We are ready to get married when we accept a large degree of sexual resignation and the task of sublimation.

5.    When we are happy to be taught and calm about teaching: We are ready for marriage when we accept that in certain very significant areas, our partners will be wiser, more reasonable and more mature than we are. We should want to learn from them. We should bear having things pointed out to us. We should, at key points, see them as the teacher and ourselves as pupils. At the same time, we should be ready to take on the task of teaching them certain things and like good teachers, not shout, lose our tempers or expect them simply to know. Marriage should be recognized as a process of mutual education.

6.    When we realize we’re not that compatible: The Romantic view of marriage stresses that the ‘right’ person means someone who shares our tastes, interests and general attitudes to life. This might be true in the short term. But, over an extended period of time, the relevance of this fades dramatically; because differences inevitably emerge. The person who is truly best suited to us is not the person who shares our tastes, but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently and wisely.

The time has come to bury the Romantic intuition-based view of marriage and learn to practice and rehearse marriage as if one is studying to take a difficult final exams. Every day is as important as the final day!

Content created and supplied by: MyFortuneLife (via Opera News )

Are You Ready to Get Married Romantic


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