When you want to be in a relationship, sometimes it can seem really hard to be single. However, the path to finding a partner can sometimes be a long one, and it's important to find ways to love and enjoy your own life, no matter who you're seeing. Start by learning to see yourself as a whole, healthy person, and reframe your ideas about dating to ensure you will eventually find a healthy relationship. Above all, get out there and have fun! Now here are the ways to get over as a single person:
1. View yourself as a whole person. Don't just reduce yourself to the label of "single." There's a lot more to you—you're a complex person with hopes, dreams, goals, and flaws, and it's really important to be able to embrace that. Being single is the perfect time to work on asserting your independence, since you won't be preoccupied with someone else's wants and needs, so make the most of it!
If you're struggling with this, try making lists of things about yourself, like a list of your best qualities, your funniest quirks, or the accomplishments you're most proud of. These can be great reminders that there's more to you than your dating status.
2. Allow yourself some time to feel sad about being single. It's perfectly normal to sometimes feel a sense of grief when you wish you had a partner but you're single. Many other single people feel this way, too. Don't let your sad feelings take over you, but do allow yourself to feel them when they come up. Give yourself a few minutes to acknowledge those emotions, then look for ways to move past them quickly and productively so you don't fall into a long-term funk.
For example, if you've been invited to a wedding and that makes you feel lonely, don't just pretend that you're fine. Tell yourself, "I wish I had someone who wanted to marry me, and that makes me feel sad. It's okay that I feel that way, but I can still be happy for my friends and celebrate their marriage."
If you're feeling lonely around a romantic holiday like Valentine's Day, try starting a new tradition, like getting Chinese take-out or watching a scary movie marathon with your best friend.
Try to separate these feelings from other things that make you feel sad or anxious. For instance, if you lost a loved one and you're sad they won't see you get married one day, it might be harder to deal with being single. Try to separate that and deal with the grief of your loss separately.
3. Use positive affirmations to build your self-esteem. If you have high hopes of being in a relationship, being single can start to take a toll on your self-image. However, being single doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you—it just means you haven't found the right person yet. Try reminding yourself of some of your best qualities any time you start to feel down, which may help you feel better.
For instance, you might look in the mirror and say, "I'm fun, I'm a great friend, and I have great style. I'm going to find the right person one day, but I love myself the way I am right now!"
At the same time, learn to recognize and reject negative thoughts about yourself. For example, if you think, "I'm never going to find someone," stop and remind yourself that you don't know what the future will hold. Replace that with a thought like, "I can't wait to fall in love one day!
4. Pursue your own goals, regardless of whether you're dating anyone. No matter what you want to accomplish in life, you don't need to wait until you're in a relationship to go after it. Whatever you think you'd like to do after you found a partner, start doing it now. That can help you feel more fulfilled, which can take some of the pressure off of your relationship status.
For example, if you dream of opening your own preschool one day, you might take business classes at night while you continue to work your current job.
If one of your goals is to become a parent, you might even explore the option of becoming a single parent through adoption, fostering, or finding a genetic donor.
Similarly, keep pursuing the goals that are important to you, even if you do get into a relationship!
5. Become the kind of person you would want to date. Make a list of the qualities you want in a partner, but instead of trying to find someone who has all of those qualities, take a look at how well you fit that list yourself. If there's anywhere you fall short, take steps to improve yourself. Chances are, you'll be more satisfied with being single when you're truly happy with the person you're becoming, and this is a great way to start down that path.
For instance, you might want someone who's well-rounded, kind, and generous. Each day, look for opportunities to embody those characteristics, such as trying something new, supporting someone who's having a bad day, or donating time or money to a charity you support.
If you would want to date someone who's traveled all around the world, sign up for emails from airline sites and keep an eye out for great deals. That way, you can see new places, even if you're on a budget!
6. Learn to take care of yourself and your home. Often, people have expectations about the types of chores they'll do around their home once they're living with a partner, as well as which chores their partner will do. If you're single and you live alone, though, you'll likely have to do all of those things yourself. Push yourself to keep your home clean and tidy, even if it means doing chores you'd rather not do, like washing dishes or mowing the lawn.
For instance, you might learn to change the oil in your car, do your own laundry, or clean the gutters on your home.
Being self-sufficient will help you feel more confident, and it may help you feel more comfortable being single.
If you do eventually find someone to share your home with, they'll likely appreciate that you have a well-rounded approach to housework. Then, the two of you can decide together how to divide your domestic duties.
7. Rely on your support system. Embrace the people in your life who make you feel good about yourself, and go out of your way to spend time with them. When you're sad, reach out to someone and talk about how you're feeling. This can go a long way toward alleviating any loneliness you feel about being single.
If it's hard for you and your friends to find time to meet up, try hosting regular get-togethers at your home. For instance, you might have a weekly watch party for your favorite show, and let your friends know they can drop by whenever they're free.
If you'd like to make new friends, try joining a group for people who share the same interests as you. For instance, if you're an avid reader, you might join a local book club or an online forum where participants discuss what they're reading.
Avoid family and friends who pressure you about when you're going to find a relationship, or speak up and set boundaries if it's someone you can't avoid, like a parent. For example, you might say, "Hopefully one day I'll find the right person, but for now, I'd rather talk about how school is going.
8. Focus on self-care activities you enjoy. Part of being a well-rounded individual means finding the things you need to do for yourself to feel healthy and cared for. Self-care looks different for everyone, so think about what your ideal day would look like, from your morning routine to getting in bed at night, then work to make that a reality.
For instance, if a beauty routine makes you feel pampered, you might start your day by washing and moisturizing your face. At night, you might take a long bath, use a rich face mask, and apply lotion to your whole body.
Having a healthy body is a great way to feel good about yourself, so consider incorporating exercise and a healthy diet into your lifestyle.
Mental health is also an important part of self-care, so make sure to reach out to your support system when you need help, and consider talking to a counselor if you struggle with feelings like anxiety or depression.
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