Every couple is different. Each one, with his qualities, his faults, his education and his experiences nourishes a unique love story. If there is not a predefined path for building a romantic relationship, it would seem that all couples, without exception, go through three distinct stages, more or less long: passion, differentiation and commitment. . Here are their characteristics.
This is the beginning of the relationship, when the two lovers are one (at least, believe they are one). This phase of passion and fusion, also called honeymoon, is cloudless. Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions related to novelty. This feeling of well-being that comes from the presence of the other predominates in the relationship.
On a daily basis, this results in a feeling of lack at the slightest separation, a strong physical attraction which generates a permanent desire for the other (and therefore a lot of sex), a mutual admiration and an idealization of the loved one. This idealization is blinding in the sense that it prevents us from seeing reality.
Thus, the two members of the couple can only see each other through their qualities. During the fusion phase, reflects reality since the couple is idealized. This is also why it is ephemeral. It would last between one and three years. So make the most of it.
After the merger, comes the demerger! This step is inevitable since life quickly brings us back to reality: I realize that the other is different from me and that he has behaviors that I cannot stand. The two members of the couple become one, but two. We speak of demerger because everyone seeks to exist as an individual and no longer as a couple. We go from idealization to disillusion.
The descent is more painful for those who seek to remain in fusion, than for those who express their desire for independence. The first feels abandoned, while the other feels suffocated. Difficult to live with, the phase of differentiation can lead to a break-up, but fortunately it is not insurmountable for all couples. It is indeed a test to know if the couple is gone to last. To overcome it, everyone must accept the idea that the romantic relationship is made up of ups and downs.
But above all, everyone must live apart from the couple by indulging in activities with other people, in order to then get together better. Finally, communication should not be neglected within the couple because this stage is punctuated by doubts and misunderstandings.
If your relationship survived the differentiation phase, it is because you are ready (both) to get involved in this relationship and that you have accepted the other with his qualities and his faults. The time has come to make plans for two (vacations, cohabitation, marriage…) to maintain the couple. The passionate love of the beginnings has turned into affectionate love, more solid and more lasting.
This does not prevent arguments, but they are less intense than before because the relationship is more mature: the couple is not called into question at the slightest disagreement because everyone makes efforts and knows that love is strong enough to survive storms. On condition of trusting each other and always respecting the other. Like all stages of a romantic relationship, commitment also has its drawbacks.
The risk is to fall into a routine that puts the couple to sleep. Indeed, affectionate love can become boring if it is not embellished with passionate moments and novelties. Hence the importance of never taking the couple for granted and stepping out of their comfort zone, especially when you have children. The couple should never be forgotten for the benefit of the family.
Scheduling moments for two and discovering new horizons as a couple are two essential things to maintain the love affair. Finding the right balance between passionate love and reasoned love remains the key to a lasting relationship.
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