1. Determine your goal. If you're a lady and you've got a crush on your female ally, it's natural to wonder if you've got an opportunity. Before you begin with the leading questions, though, ask yourself what your goal is:
Attraction often gets within the way of friendship, and it won't get away if you discover out your friend is straight. Sometimes bringing it into the open is what you would like to try to to, no matter how your friend feels.
On the opposite hand, if the emotions aren't mutual (and they typically aren't), the friendship could end. If this is able to devastate you, and you do not have a support network to assist you out (especially if you're within the closet), it'd not be an honest idea to continue. Spend a minimum of a few weeks aside from your friend instead to undertake and funky down and devour the friendship at a less intense level.
If you're unsure of your sexuality, otherwise you are straight but have a crush on your friend, specialise in yourself rather than her. search for LGBT resources online or at an LGBT civic center to assist you work out your identity.
2. Acknowledge signs of your friend's sexuality. Illusion can always cloud your judgement when romance is involved. If your friend has dated men within the past or told you about her crush on a man, it's extremely likely that she's straight.
There are not any obvious signals that mean someone may be a lesbian, especially if she is within the closet. Trying to research your friend this manner is almost impossible, especially when attraction is clouding your judgement.
If your friend is interested in you, she may initiate prolonged physical contact (long hugs, for example) or ask to ascertain you constantly. Unfortunately, it's difficult to inform this aside from close female friendships, especially if she is responding to your own desire for close contact.
3. ask a confidante. If in the least possible, ask a trusted friend about things (preferably someone you'll begin to or have already). He or she is going to have a less biased perspective on whether your friend is curious about you, and may talk you thru your feelings. Continue as long as you've got decided that this is often important enough to risk the friendship.
4. Explore her comfort level with LGBTQ topics. Before you tell your friend the entire story, get a thought of her views on lesbian and gay relationships. If she seems accepting, this does not mean she's lesbian — but it does make it easier to require subsequent step. If she reacts to the subject with revulsion, it's not knowing continue the conversation.
One way to bring this up is to say that you're thinking of attending a Gay Straight Alliance event, which only "outs" you as a straight ally.
Some people raised in homophobic environments express negative views on gay love albeit they appear interested in an equivalent sex. If your friend seems defensive on the subject or is sending mixed signals, she may have longer to figure out her sexuality. this is often not something you'll do for her.
5. Begin to your friend. If you're comfortable together with your sexual and identity, and your friend is an LGBT ally (or a minimum of not con to them), subsequent step is telling your friend that you simply aren't straight.
Image titled Choose a task Model Step 16
6. Mention your feelings briefly. This is often the make-or-break moment, and sad though it's, the response is never the one you would like. But if you cannot advance without getting it off your chest, don't pour out your whole soul to your friend. Let her know what's been happening, but roll in the hay during a way that does not put an excessive amount of pressure on her or the friendship. this is often very personal to your friendship and therefore the conversations you've had together, but here are some examples to start out with:
"I've been having feelings for you. I just need a touch time apart to clear my head."
(jokingly) "I wish I could find a girlfriend as nice as you!"
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