Sometimes you feel compelled to change and some others it's your partner asking you to change. Imagine that you love someone. Like, you really, really love them. Maybe you've met recently, or maybe you've been dating for a while.
The more you get to know them, the more you think they are everything you were looking for - smart, kind, witty, gorgeous, whatever you want. The problem? You feel like you can't be 100% your true self with them.
Maybe you like completely different things, your habits are different, or you don't have the same mindset. Either way, you start to wonder if you should try to change yourself, in order to be more similar. That way, they'll love you even more, right?
We've all been there. Sometimes we feel compelled to change and others, it is our partners who ask us to change.
And while a partner can inspire you to make meaningful changes on yourself (for example, adopting a healthier lifestyle, breaking bad habits, being kinder to people around you), there are some things that you should never agree to change in order to be loved more by your partner. Let's take a look at them.
"Do what's best for you and do it to the best of your ability - pursue your goals like nobody's business." - Michael Oher
The life goals you had before entering your relationship might change slightly, as you might have common dreams and future goals with your partner. This is understandable.
However, completely letting go of your personal visions and dreams because your partner doesn't agree with them or encourages you to pursue completely different goals is a mistake.
For example, if you want to start your own business, you shouldn't give it up because your partner thinks it's risky. Or, you shouldn't give up on your dreams of having children because your significant other isn't ready to start a family of your own.
In other words, you should be with someone who your life goals align with, or at least someone who is able and willing to support your goals and encourage you to pursue your dreams.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else."-Judy Garland
Has your partner asked you to put your interests aside since the start of your relationship? Have you felt compelled to put your passions on the back burner?
At the start of a relationship, when things are fresh and intense, you might find yourself putting your hobbies and interests aside subconsciously or becauseug your partner asks you to.
However, a loss of interest in your hobbies, interests, or plans for an extended period of time can lead to the loss of your individuality and cause you to merge your personality with that of your partner.
Before you know it, you might not even understand where to start and where your partner ends and it could trap you in an unhealthy and dangerous codependency pattern.
“To be beautiful is to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You have to accept yourself."- Thich Nhat Hanh
Maybe your partner likes and has a lot of tattoos or piercings when you don't have any. And you think buying a few yourself will immediately make you more attractive to them.
Believe me, you will probably regret it later. Permanently changing your body is an important decision. It takes a lot of thought and should only be done for yourself - because you really want it - and NEVER to make yourself more attractive to someone else.
If your partner asks you to make physical changes, beware, as this is a red flag: the right person should find you attractive exactly the way you are.
Your core values
“Your values create your internal compass that can guide you in how you make decisions in your life. If you compromise your core values, you're going nowhere"- Roy T. Bennett
Trying to change your core values for your partner is a waste of time and will only lead to emotional confusion and frustration.
There is nothing wrong with being open to hearing and discussing beliefs that are different from your own, but embracing them to match your partner's, when deep down you are not. agree with them?
It's a path that leads to self-destruction and could ultimately lead the relationship to its demise. How can you have a happy, emotionally fulfilling relationship when you can't even be authentic yourself with your partner?
“I have never listened to anyone who criticizes my taste for space travel, side shows or gorillas. When that happens, I put my dinosaurs away and leave the room."- Ray Bradbury
Most people easily fall into the trap of pretending they like things they don't like in order to be appreciated more by people, especially their partners.
For example, you might hate Chinese food, but start eating it because your partner loves it. You can stop listening to a certain genre of music because your partner says it sucks, or you can stop watching romantic comedies because they consider them "not serious enough".
Changing your tastes to suit the expectations of others is a form of betrayal of yourself and only makes it difficult for you to enjoy everyday life. You shouldn't give up on the things that bring you joy and pleasure.
It's natural for different people to like different things. The right partner will never criticize you for your liking, no matter how different it is from theirs.
Your relationship expectations
“Stop waiting for loyalty from people who can't even give you honesty. "- Anonymous
It's easy to lower your expectations and settle for a partner who isn't able to provide you with what you normally expect from a relationship.
Especially if you've recently had a painful break-up or are emotionally exhausted from a long, unsuccessful search for the “right” partner.
Naturally, not everyone has the same expectations of how a relationship should work - and that's okay. However, you should be with a partner who shares your idea of what love is like and how a couple should treat each other.
Otherwise, your expectations will be invisible and unfulfilled on several occasions and this can only lead to emotional frustration, pain and, in general, an unhappy relationship.
Your relationships with friends or family
“When all the dust is settled and all the crowds are gone, the things that matter are faith, family and friends." - Barbara Bush
The relationships you form with your friends and the ones you have with your family are one of the most important pillars of life.
You might get so wrapped up in your relationship and become so dependent on your partner that you forget about everything else, including the people who were there for you before your relationship started.
Or, you might end up with a partner who is so insecure or jealous that they ask you to separate from your friends or spend less time with family members.
Either way, giving up on friends or family to spend more time with your partner is not only something you will regret later because you will isolate yourself, but also an action that hurts the people who love you.
Remember that in a healthy and balanced relationship, your partner should allow you to cultivate and maintain relationships with other people.
Sometimes our partners can inspire us to make good changes in our lives, break a bad habit, and adopt a healthy lifestyle to become better people.
It's good to be open to change, as long as your partner doesn't ask you to change fundamental things about yourself, like your values, your body, or your relationship with your family.
If your partner continually asks you to change these things, you may want to rethink your role in the relationship and determine if your choice of mate was the right one.
Remember that people should accept you for who you are, or not at all.
Content created and supplied by: The_NewsGuy (via Opera News )
Opera News is a free to use platform and the views and opinions expressed herein are solely those of the author and do not represent, reflect or express the views of Opera News. Any/all written content and images displayed are provided by the blogger/author, appear herein as submitted by the blogger/author and are unedited by Opera News. Opera News does not consent to nor does it condone the posting of any content that violates the rights (including the copyrights) of any third party, nor content that may malign, inter alia, any religion, ethnic group, organization, gender, company, or individual. Opera News furthermore does not condone the use of our platform for the purposes encouraging/endorsing hate speech, violation of human rights and/or utterances of a defamatory nature. If the content contained herein violates any of your rights, including those of copyright, and/or violates any the above mentioned factors, you are requested to immediately notify us using via the following email address operanews-external(at)opera.com and/or report the article using the available reporting functionality built into our Platform See More