Many people begin to feel frustrated after being in a relationship for some time. They easily feel regret and disappointment towards the person they have chosen to share their lives with. When they are asked ‘why’ – the reasons they give are numerous.
‘My partner never gives me money; he never compliments me or make me feel good about myself. My partner is too focused on her friends than she is with me; I doubt she even loves me.’ As the list gets longer and longer so does the frustration, and the relationship hardly seem to work.
The problem is not because you are with the wrong person, or that your partner has completely changed from how you started. We simply have the wrong idea about what a relationship is, of how a relationship should be. We must clarify our definition of what a relationship is in order for us to release ourselves from the complicated conflicts we experience with our partners.
We believe that every good relationship should be that - we go out to visit nice places, have the same hobbies, visit families and friends, travel often, and to have the same thoughts. It all sounds good, but these perceptions put great burden on our relationship and slowly crumbles it down. We try to reform our partner to fit into the perfect portrait we create in other for them to live up to our expectations.
The truth is that, for every relationship to work, there are some factors we cannot overlook. If we boil matters down, there are 4 essential things needed for every relationship to sail smoothly.
Your partner must be someone you are comfortable enough to share your problems and fears with. Someone you can openly share your troubles and worries with without having to hide your true self. An understanding person with whom you can be honest with, and depend on in your times of weakness. Someone who is interested in your sorrows and can make sense of certain obscure features of your mind. Your obsessions, your positive and negative traits and ways of seeing the world. What you need is partner who is gentle with our imperfections and can tolerate our misgivings.
Respect Boundaries and Build Trust
We all have our personal boundaries, even if we’re in a relationship it doesn’t mean our individualism disappear. Be 100 comfortable about letting your partner know you need a personal space as a person. If Friday nights is time with friends-that’s fine; if football times shouldn’t be interrupted- totally cool; if it is one hour to read each day or watch a movie – do it. Remember that for boundaries to be respected trust is essential. Have trust in your partner, believe in them if you chose them to share your life with them. Know this, for boundaries to work in every relationship, trust is very essential.
One of the best things about a good relationship is having a supportive partner. Someone who supports you emotionally, physically, financially. A supportive partner always want what is best for you, and they won’t hold you back from achieving your goals.
Communication is the last subject I want to elaborate on and it’s the most important. Talk about what you both like and want to do. Talk about your goals in life, how you want your relationship to be. Talk about finance. Be comfortable to share your ideas, be honest with each other, give each other compliments, admit your mistakes, and find conclusions in your disagreement. Just find the right communication balance you are both comfortable with, because communication is key.
If we have these 4 critical ingredient in our relationship, we will feel loved and accepted. We will be content and our relationship will feel profoundly gratifying. We will be in the presence of a partner who is kind, understanding and shares our vulnerabilities.
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