You have to DO something
Marriages are one of the few things in life that get more challenging over time. If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut or like your marriage has gone stale, then it may be time to inject some energy into it.
While it’s common for the excitement in the early stages of a marriage to wear off over time, it’s important to notice if the time you spend with your spouse seems more like a chore than a choice. Simply put, if you’re constantly wondering what you’re missing out on, or asking yourself if things are as good as they’ll get, then you need to take action before your marriage tumbles completely down hill.
The problem with boredom in a marriage is that it can quickly lead to infidelity and other methods of escape. For instance, a bored spouse may seek thrills through pornography, or try to drown their boredom with alcohol or other addictions. Before you panic, the good news is that those aren’t the only solutions for boredom. In fact, rather than seeking a way out, you can work to create a new marriage from within.
1. Revive yourself
Create happiness in yourself. To do this, sort through any personal issues or thoughts you’ve tucked away. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to sign up for therapy, but rather take the time to dig deep and work on any of the issues you’ve been avoiding.
For example, if you’ve been struggling with anxiety or depression, now is the time to face those issues. Or, if you’ve been worried that you made a mistake getting married, think back to why you said “I do” in the first place. Doing so will flush out your bottled emotions, make you happier, and do wonders for your marriage.
2. Change your perspective
Take a step back and change your outlook on your relationship. For instance, if you currently see the marriage as a “rut” or “routine,” then try changing your perspective to see the rut as a sense of security - something that was build through love - instead of something negative and dull.
If you can do this, then your feelings of boredom can also be transformed into feelings of deeper intimacy and attachment for your spouse and relationship. Use this new perspective to nurture a warm sense of lasting, comfortable togetherness.
3. Do something new
Do things that are completely out of the ordinary, together. If your date nights usually consist of dinner and a movie, then opt for a cooking class and theater performance. If you usually watch Netflix on the couch, choose to take an evening walk or work on a new project together. Another great way to bring back the spark is by doing things you and your spouse used to do together (but haven’t in awhile,) or things you always talked about doing but never got around to. The idea is to keep your relationship interesting, and the possibilities to do so are endless.
Studies have shown that couples who share new and exciting experiences together are more committed and less likely to get disinterested. Here you will find some good ideas for re-igniting your marital spark to beat feelings of boredom. If you like what you see and would like to take things one step further, I also offer one-on-one marriage coaching to a limited number of clients. Simply visit the site to find out more.
4. Be spontaneous
There’s nothing more thrilling than spontaneity. To do this, you and your spouse both need to set aside time in your schedules for one another, and keep communication open. Knowing when each other are free will make it possible to surprise one another with activities, and will keep you both excitedly wondering when your next spontaneous rendezvous will take place.
Sneak around honestly by looking for pockets of time for you and your spouse to break away from your regular routines. No matter how busy you both may be, there’s always something fun you can do together, even for brief amounts of time.
5. Spice up your sex life
Most people think of sex as just a piece of the marital puzzle, but the truth is, if you and your spouse lack a sexual connection then your entire relationship will be affected. Keep the sexual intimacy between you fresh so that you both look forward to making love and see the act as an exciting adventure together.
Talk honestly with your partner about their secret desires and the ways you can make sex more exciting. For instance, maybe you’ve never shared much when it comes to foreplay, sexual positions, or ways to set the mood (music, massage oil, mirrors, etc.). Once you are comfortable talking sex with one another, you’ll feel more deeply connected and satisfied.
6. Learn something new every day
Stay up to date with what’s going on in the world, read the news, get involved in your community and learn new skills. Think about how much you and your partner opened up to one another when you first got together. Chances are, it was one of the main ways you connected. No matter how long you’ve known one another, keep in mind that there’s always something new to learn about your spouse, and look forward to uncovering those new details on a daily basis.
7. Life outside the marriage
In every relationship, it’s important that both husbands and wives have their own lives outside of the marriage. This means their own friends, hobbies, interests and space. After all, even the most dedicated introvert needs closeness with others.
Spending time with people other than your partner, pursuing hobbies and tackling new goals is an important part of growing as an individual. If you choose to stand still while the world keeps spinning on, you’re without a doubt going to grow bored of your life. An extra bonus is that spending time apart doing your own things will make you miss one another.
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