"Mother I love him and there is nothing you can do about it. All that matters to me is LOVE". These are usually the problems parents face with their children in this era. The youth are so obsessed with love to the extend that they become blind to reality and later regret not heeding to the advises of parents and the elderly. There is an adage that says "what the elderly will see from afar whiles sitting down, the child cannot see that same thing even when standing on an oak tree". Dear reader, take a walk with me as we drive through the love story of two popular musicians so we understand the issues of love.
In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his manager yet he was known to be a man who preached about love through his songs.
Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then canceled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.
Now let us analyse the life of the two above. One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a day dreamer. One of them was not.
In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as an antidote to all of life’s problems. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price. When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about.
But if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values. Let me tell you three bitter truth about love.
Bitter Truth About Love
1. Love does not equal compatibility.
Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process, compatibility is a logical process and the two don’t bleed into one another very well. It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality. It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.
When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general.
2. Love does not solve your relationship problems.
You need to understand stand that love is not only about your emotions and feelings and thoughts but rather it's more about you taking a decision to stand by someone and then you can channel all that emotions and feelings towards that person. This way, you won't feel too disappointed when problems come your way in the relationship. There will be hard times and troubles but if your love is based only on feelings, then I am sorry your marriage will crush because our emotions are never stable. Today we are happy and we love, tomorrow we are sad and we hate.
3. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself.
One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well. But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it? In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another.
I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great. But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were.
Always protect your dignity first. Please like, comment and share this article for someone to also learn about love. Don't forget to follow my page for more👇👇👇👇
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