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Divorce Affair

Does Your Partner Want A Divorce? Just Use These 6 Expert Approaches To Stop It

Divorce is a complex, difficult process for everyone involved. If you're trying to save your marriage, have patience, and communicate with your spouse honestly and constructively. If you've filed for divorce and want to stop proceedings, the process is easy, as long as the divorce isn't finalized.


Make a list of the issues that you and your spouse need to address. Tell each other what needs to change in order for your marriage to work. Set specific goals and put them in writing. Be sure to come up with positive, constructive goals instead of just calling out each other's faults. Make a pact to communicate openly, to listen to each other, and to avoid letting tempers flare. Use “I statements” to avoid coming off as aggressive, especially when you discuss sensitive issues. For example, “I feel that the bulk of childcare falls on me, and I'm overwhelmed. I could use more help with the kids,” expresses your needs without launching an attack. “You don't spend any time with the kids and I'm sick of having to do everything,” just delivers criticism.Be honest and transparent with your partner about issues that should be addressed within the marriage. He or she may not know exactly what the issue is but they can feel that disconnection or that lack of harmony within the relationship. Try to see things from your partner's point of view. Remember, no one is perfect. You both have strengths and weaknesses, and you can each make improvements to be better partners.


Focus on self-improvement instead of assigning blame. Once you and your partner have come up with ideas for saving your marriage, take concrete steps toward those goals. Rather than being critical with each other, set a constructive, positive tone. Concentrate on what you need to do to make your marriage work instead of concentrating on your partner's progress. For instance, if you agreed to show your partner more affection, tell them they look nice, ask them how their day was, thank them often, and hold their hand while you watch a movie together. Focus on these efforts instead of just waiting for signs of progress on their part.


Do exciting or romantic activities together regularly. Try going on weekly dates or take on a fun new hobby together. For instance, set a regular date night and try a new restaurant each week. You could also pursue a shared interest, such as gardening or hiking. In addition to spending time together 1-on-1, go on regular family outings with your kids, if you have any. You could go on family bike rides, play sports at the park, or even just go out for ice cream together. Having fun together can help you and your spouse rebuild your bond and mix up your routine. Do your best to keep things fresh and learn to enjoy each other's company.


Try to become more intimate with each other. Being intimate can be a sensitive topic when you're working through marriage issues. Take things one step at a time, and remember that intimacy doesn't necessarily have to be physical. Try having a meaningful conversation or listening to music together. As you get more comfortable being with each other, try to become more physically intimate. Show each other affection by giving each other back rubs, holding hands, hugging, and kissing. Try to have good thoughts about your spouse within your mind and your heart, this will allow you to form a deeper connection so that you can get to know each other on a more intimate level.


Keep your stress levels in check. Your relationship can suffer if you and your spouse are stressed out all of the time. Try to avoid taking on too many commitments, and set aside time for relaxing activities, such as reading, meditating, or taking a hot bath. When you're stressed out in the moment, take deep breaths and visualize calming scenery. Keep breathing slowly until you start to feel better. Finances, kids, and other aspects of marriage can feel overwhelming. Talk to your spouse about dividing parental duties, managing your money, and handling other stressful practical matters. Discussing stressful stuff at weekly “business” meeting could help your day-to-day interactions with your spouse more enjoyable.


Address deal-breakers, such as cheating or addiction. While preventing divorce often takes a lot of compromise, issues like adultery and drug or alcohol abuse are pretty black and white. For major issues, your partner (or you) must take concrete steps to address the problem. If your spouse has an addiction, for example, you may require them to enter a recovery program in order to save your marriage. Issues like cheating and addiction are hard to deal with on your own, so it's best to get help from a couples counselor in these situations.

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