Love is not yet an exact science. How to build a healthy romantic relationship and achieve lasting happiness together? Each love experience makes you grow if you have the ability to bounce back positively and draw the right conclusions. Here are 4 lessons that will help to develop a romantic relationship in a positive way.
1. Jealousy should not dominate the relationship
Thinking that a person can belong to us is a common mistake in a romantic relationship. There is a healthy and natural jealousy that stems from the feeling of loveand which makes it possible to prove the importance that each partner has towards the other. Unhealthy jealousy, that imbued with anger, is often linked to an exaggerated fear of abandonment and a lack of self-confidence. Wanting to monopolize a person and completely control their actions and gestures is bad for all romantic relationships. This possessiveness will necessarily lead to failure because it prevents each person from living freely and independently. No matter how strong the feelings, no one has the power to change someone. The couple evolves together and also builds shared individual experiences.
2. Perfection is a fantasy
Being too demanding in love can quickly turn into an obsession. You have to know that perfection is unattainable and passion is doomed to disappear. Indeed, the neuroscientist specializing in the love brain, Helen Fisher, has also demonstrated that the feeling of "passionate" love comes from the area of the brain that secretes dopamine: the newer the feeling, the more dopamine is high; but this decreases mechanically over time*. Privileging passion in a couple would therefore be tantamount to locking oneself into a short term vision. Be careful, this does not mean that love disappears, quite the contrary. Passion gives way to attachment and complicity which, conversely, are maintained over time. During the first steps of a relationship, the partners seduce each other, discover themselves and want to show only the best of themselves. When complicity develops, this mask falls and the natural takes its place. Within the couple, each dares to be himself, without hiding his weaknesses, and loves each other for what each really is. Thus, basing one's requirements and expectations in terms of a romantic relationship on the feelings of the first days can unfortunately lead to heartbreak.
3. Happiness does not (only) depend on a romantic relationship
When a couple is going through a crisis, you have to question yourself, take a step back and try to understand what is not working. Sometimes a repeating pattern ends all romantic relationships. Realizing your flaws is an important step. Happiness does not only depend on his/her partner, it depends above all on oneself. Indeed, a healthy romantic relationship considerably improves a life but does not, on its own, meet each person's personal needs. Sometimes, it is above all necessary to work on yourself and learn to be happy alone to guarantee a fulfilling life once in a relationship.
4. Love must maintain itself to last
Some couples are convinced that everything must work from the start and that, from the first difficulty, the feeling of love is doomed. Being single today is no longer experienced as a handicap and the new means of dating offer a wider choice. However, this development has certain consequences since it encourages us to overvalue our search criteria. Finally, by giving up too quickly, we do not allow time for love to overcome these obstacles and for efforts to bear fruit. The problems linked to romantic relationships are also quite frequently similar: lack of communication, unhealthy jealousy, refusal of difference, few common projects. In a couple in difficulty, it is important to take the time to understand the reasons for the relationship.
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