Have you ever heard that saying: "It is not the same to build on rock than on sand"? If you build your house on sand, it is likely that with the first winds and storms it will collapse, either suddenly or little by little. However, if you build it on rock, it will be better prepared to withstand the storms, and will be less affected when they arrive. Obvious, right?
Now let's transfer the metaphor to relationships. Have you ever wondered how the foundations of your relationship are? Did you build it on rock or on sand? To facilitate this self analysis of your partner, I suggest that you continue reading about the three fundamental pillars on which a balanced relationship is built .
Discover the three pillars that sustain a relationship. If you wish, you can answer the questions that I ask you so that you think and explore yourself. The three basic columns of a relationship are love, intimacy and trust.
There are as many definitions of love as there are people who define it, and surely you will have yours. The definition of love cannot be limited, but we can affirm that there are two elements that a healthy love possesses:
i) Respect within the couple is perceived through the communication that exists between the two, both verbal and non-verbal.
ii) If we pay attention, it is not difficult to appreciate when a partner does not respect each other. You just have to do one exercise: observe them .
Communication is the way in which support, understanding and affection are requested and offered. When communication becomes aggressive, it is not difficult to cross the border of respect and there is nothing more unstable than building a relationship in the arena of disrespect.
When mutual respect is lost, communication often becomes hurtful, and missing the other becomes a habit. It is important to work for responsible communication , and to create a space within the couple where we allow ourselves to be honest and assertive.
Intimacy is a very broad term. Therefore, it is preferable to analyze privacy by differentiating it into two types:
i) Intellectual privacy
Intellectual intimacy is favored when the couple share beliefs and vital values or, at least, the values of both are not contradictory. For example, if a person is strongly committed to animal defense, he will hardly build a relationship with a bullfighter: the incoherence is clear. Intellectual intimacy does not imply being the same or having the same interests; the other way around: the enrichment that occurs with the intellectual differences in a couple is very interesting. Intellectual intimacy rests rather on the compatibility of both minds, and also on respect for mutual complexity.
ii) Emotional intimacy
In emotional intimacy, both members of the couple feel that they can freely express their emotions and feelings to the other; They are also willing to listen and understand the partner with the maximum possible empathy. The capacity for emotional intimacy of a couple is strongly influenced by the families of origin of each one, since it is within the family where we learn to express or repress emotions as children.
Trust is the third pillar that maintains the healthy balance of a relationship. It refers to the mutual assurance that the other will be there in the best and worst moments. Ultimately, trust can be summed up in "I know that I am counting on you, and you know that you are counting on me". It is true that an excess of security can lead us to neglect our partner, because if he is going to be there anyway, why am I going to make an effort to take care of him?
However, trust as a couple is essential to create a healthy climate between the two. Distrust is the seed of discomfort. Trust and security are also related to commitment, which can (but does not have to) be expressed in social actions such as getting married, moving in together, having children. The couple's commitment is reflected in the projects they have together , their ideas for the future and their inner desire to stay together.
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