Five years ago when we met and fell in love with each other, he wasn’t a pastor by then. His dream was to become a lawyer. He loved to talk to people and argued his case firmly making me believed he was going to be one of the finest lawyers.
The day he proposed to me, the only word I could think of was a yes. I said yes and till today. It still remains one of the happiest days of my life.
We dated for three years until we both agreed to marry. The introduction was done and both families were very happy. When he came over to meet my parents, the only question I remember my dad asked him was. “ What do you do for a living ?”.
He responded by saying ”I am a lawyer in progress but at the moment I am working as an administrator for one private school.” My dad smiled knowing I was in safe hands.
Four months before we got married, something happened that changed us forever. I slept over at his place one evening when I went to visit and around midnight I notice something was bothering him so I confronted him.
He sat me down and said. “My love, for the past few months, I have been receiving messages from God through my dreams. he is calling me to do his work and I think it's about time I heed to God's voice.” “So are you going to be a pastor instead of the lawyer you have always dreamt of?” I asked. He noded.
The thought of him becoming a pastor made me sleepless that night, I could not come to terms with me being a pastors wife because of the kind of lifestyle I have always lived not as if I was the worst sinner but I have never imagined having to live my life like the way other pastors wives lived.
The next morning I told him what I thought overnight. I said. “ you have been the love of my life all this while, I thought we had everything figured out until last night when you claimed God has called you. I won't be opposed to your calling but if you have chosen to be a pastor, I will like the privilege to also chose how I want to live my life. I will not be under any obligation to act as the mother of the church as it's expected of pastor's wives. I want to also live my life. If we can't agree to this, then I think is better to go our separate ways.”
He was shocked as per the expression on his face. He didn’t expect to hear what I said but I had to make things clear from the onset. He stood up , took a few steps, and said. “you are a good woman and I know you will be fine. I trust you would not do anything bad to jeopardize my work with God”. That was the last time we had that conversation.
Life was normal and our relationship grew stronger. He started his pastoral program. Two years into our marriage, he was ordained as a pastor in the same church that we tied the knot. The woes of our marriage began.
I had earlier got pregnant for him whilst he was at the pastoral school and he begged me to heave and earth to abort because he was going to be expelled if the authority gets to know of it. I did everything I could to convince him to let us keep it but he refused. We argued from both logical and biblical points of view but to no avail.
On the day I had to go to the hospital for the abortion, he made sure he accompanied me there and waited till everything was done just to be sure it was done.
After marriage, it became very difficult for me to get pregnant. At some point, I blamed it on abortion. I got very scared that I was never going to conceive again after lots of hospital visits and being placed on different medications.
I got pregnant finally, I wanted to be sure so I did not inform him but he saw signs of the pregnancy and asked and I said yes.
Hmmm, that day was the saddest day in my life, it's difficult writing about it even now. I wish nothing could make me remember the kind of beating and kicks on my stomach. His target was my stomach can you believe this?. The pain was so much that I passed out. I woke up in a hospital the next day with some drips on me. That was when the nurse told me I had a miscarriage.
I went straight to my parents when I was discharged and narrated all the happenings to them. My dad wanted my husband arrested but my mom calmed him down. They invited my husband over and had a conversation with him about the whole incident. He denied beating me. He also denied the first abortion and then the miscarriage saying I tripped during a scuffle and I lost it. I was so furious words couldn’t come from my mouth. I decided not to live with him again. I wanted a divorce and dad supported it but mom insisted it was too early to decide on that. I stayed with my parents for almost one month. All this while, he kept coming to my parent asking them to allow me to come back home to him. Other pastors joined his plea and I accepted and went back to live with him.
It was only peaceful for a week. He would wake me up at dawn to pray with him. When I tell him I am not in the mood to pray, he would stop praying and start beating me. I could sleep with a nice face and wake up with a broken face and red eyes. The church was fastening and I decided to exempt myself. He locked me up and beat me. He locks me up in a room for two days, maltreated me, and called me all sorts of names. He would enter the locker room, tore my dress to shreds, and forcefully penetrate me from behind. He didn’t care about the fact that I was bleeding. all he wanted is was to have sex and satisfy his ego. I was a broken woman. That day all I wanted was to committed suicide so I used the remaining clothes to try to hang myself.
I opened my eyes the next day at the hospital. I saw my dad and mom by my bedside weeping. I was frail. they thought I was going to die. Against all odds, I pulled through and was discharged from the hospital.
My dad insisted we make the issue a police case but I knew what I wanted. All I wanted was divorced and getting him arrested will delay the process of what I wanted.
It's been a year now since the incident. I am divorced now and I am healing. Anytime I get the opportunity to tell my story, the hurting gets less painful and I get to feel this warmth I haven’t felt before.
I forgave him and wished him well every day. Please Share, Like, Comment, Follow, and Open the home page to read other articles
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