Arguments are bond to happen in every relationship. When entering into relationship, one thing you have to bear in mind is that, due to individual differences between the two of you, disagreement will definitely occur between you and your lover. All sorts of arguments be it small squabbles or histrionic blowups, don’t worry: It happens to everyone. However if care is not taking little squabble which occurs in your relationship can completely destroy your relationship.Then again, if you’re fueding all the time, you both probably need to do some individual work to see what’s causing those disagreements—particularly if it’s your (or her) insecurities. “Constant arguments tend to happen when we’re looking for our partners to meet unmet needs within ourselves. The healthier and happier you are alone, without the validation of a relationship, the stronger that’ll make your relationship.
In the meantime, while you’re working on you, here are some tips for navigating hot waters with your girlfriend. Employ these and you’ll have more rational, helpful resolutions, and hopefully fewer disputes.
1. ACKNOWLEDGE THERE’S A RIGHT AND A WRONG TIME TO ARGUE
An argument should happen in private. You might not want to wait to hash things out, but both your actions, responses, and reactions are going to be different when you’ve got a dozen pairs of eyeballs staring at your every move and word.
2. BE CAREFUL OF CASTING THE BLAME
We’re all guilty of the blame game, but holster your accusatory finger and reel in the charges. “Phrases that trigger defensiveness—like ‘What’s wrong with you?’ or ‘Why would you do that?’ or ‘How did you think that would be a good idea?’—set your partner up to defend him- or herself, and create a battle of you and them. All this does is drive a wedge between you two. “Often, people make accusations to throw negative feelings on someone else when it’s much better to explain how you feel and why.
3. TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHERE SHE’S COMING FROM
She’s going to have issues, upsets, and priorities that seem monumental to her, but ludicrous to you. (She refuses to drive on highways alone, say, or needs you to talk on the phone with her at least twice a day.) News flash, champ: Everyone’s got quirks. “If she brings up something she’s unhappy with, seek to understand and respond with empathy even if you don’t get it. Saying things like ‘I don’t understand what the big deal is’ or ‘You’re overreacting’ will make her feel isolated.”
Hear her out and ask her to explain why things are important. Phrases like “Help me understand why this upsets you” are a good way to start a conversation, even if she’s upset.
4. STICK TO THE FACTS AND USE ACCURATE LANGUAGE
Be specific about what’s bothering you. “‘Always,’ ‘never,’ and absolutes like that are not only an exaggeration of the truth, but also remove focus from the actual thing you’re discussing and frame it as something your partner is doing wrong.
Furthermore, watch your tone and volume. No one responds well to being yelled at or a snide attitude. And if she’s the one yelling, ask her to speak softly so you can both stay calm.
5. GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM
“Most problems come from one thing:
Our expectations of others to meet one of our ‘needs’ which are actually ‘wants. To make sure you stop having the same recurring argument, both of you need to know what you expect from the other. You also need to be realistic.
6. CRAFT A BETTER “I’M SORRY”
If you fired off a low blow (no woman wants to hear she’s like her mother…or worse, your ex), apologize immediately. “Say: ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it. Let me rephrase it,'” Rivkin says. Calling it out immediately is much more effective than apologizing later on. “Rephrasing it in the heat of the moment will show her you really are sorry—and aren’t just saying it afterward to smooth things over.”
7. AVOID A REPEAT
Feel like you’re pressing the replay button each time you argue? “Once you get on the fighting track, your brain kicks in and starts repeating itself,” says Rivkin. So say something new to mix it
and surprise her. Say something like, ‘You obviously feel strongly about this,’ or ‘I want to hear your opinion, even if we disagree,’ or ‘Let’s come to some kind of understanding.’ You’ll validate her feelings, but only if you say it in a genuine way. Mocking her will only amp up the anger.
Content created and supplied by: Jonnexgh (via Opera News )