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My Anxiety And Depression Can Make Me A Shitty Friend, But I’m Not Sorry

For as long as I can remember, I have always felt the need to apologize for my mental health struggles. I felt the need to over explain everything. I always felt the need to apologize for canceling plans. 

My mental health struggles come and go. I have good days, and bad days. When I have bad days, or weeks even, I disappear. 

I don’t answer many texts, I don’t make plans, and if I do, I cancel them. It makes me not a very dependable friend, sometimes. But I’m not sorry, anymore. 

Sometimes I need to take a break from everyone. 

Sometimes I need to take a step back and be alone, while I figure out what’s going on in my head. 

Sometimes I feel ready to see you again, but I’m really not. I’m not ready to talk about the struggles I’m facing yet. 

I have always felt the need to apologize, and I’m done. 

I don’t choose to struggle with this. 

I don’t choose to have my thoughts racing all day. 

I don’t choose to have a war with my mind everyday. 

I don’t choose any of this. 

I’m done apologizing for something I don’t have control over. 

So, yes, sometimes, my mental health will make me a shitty friend. But that’s only because it is needed for my own sake. 

So I won’t apologize for that anymore. 

I won’t apologize for doing what is best for me.

And for the friends who have stuck around while I cancel plans, go radio silent, and patiently wait until I’m ready to talk, you’re the real ones. And I’m lucky to have you. 

But, I’m not sorry for doing what I need to do to make my mental health a little bit better. 

I’m not apologizing anymore.

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