Its been four long years already and the murders of the diligent but now late husband of her, has still not been brought to book. Thankfully to God, she is now managing a flourishing Fashion Design start up, named Signature Fashion House and the kids are doing well.
Today happens to be exactly the fourth year, Major Maxwell Mahama was killed sadly and she couldn't be silent, but pen down these deep worded tribute, to celebrate the memory of the husband most importantly and also, to attempt to instill in the larger society, some form of candor and perspective, in dealing with single parents, as in her case for instance, this is so because of an unfortunate situation.
She shared on her blog post at barbsmaha – general (wordpress.com) that:
"As usual, I didn’t think I would write anything but here I am… Year 4!
The artwork says it all. I find myself tearing when I cast my mind into the future of the boys without their dad. Oh what joy it would have been to have their dad around, to hold them, to direct them, to love them, to protect them, to tease them…
Yes I know the verse in Matthew 6:34 that says Why worry about tomorrow…
On 14th April, dear diary…
14/04/2021, 11:30 pm- reading , shifted my gaze to the kids sleeping peacefully and then the floodgates of tears are released. From 12th, I’ve been tearing a lot. Almost 4 years , it’s not fair that the boys have been deprived of their first friend , of their father, their hero, their superman. It’s not as if I’m not enjoying them or not training them as I should , I’m playing my mum and dad roles as best as I could but I know that it’s not the same as they having their father around .
It’s not fair that Maxwell has been deprived of seeing his children grow, the most important human beings to him. It’s not fair that he won’t get to discuss their character traits with me as I find myself doing that alone. 11:30 am of 15th April and the tears are still flowing, feeling helpless, 4 years!
Another dear diary …
Waiter: Hello madam welcome, are you waiting for dinner?
Waiter: how many are you
Me: just the three of us
Waiter: oh where is daddy? (Kids turn to look at me in an awkward way)
Me: There’s no daddy
Waiter: oh daddy didn’t come with you?
Me: there’s no daddy. In my head (normalize seeing a mother with her kids without asking for daddy)
Kids start eating , waiter comes and says eat all so daddy can be happy with you okay?
Me: Stop asking certain questions, we can’t emphasize this enough…
You see children with one parent, just admire if you want to admire, don’t ask where’s the other parent. It is this same attitude that causes people to ask when married couples are having babies, when married couples are adding more children, etc. Life is already hard, spare us your opinion on what an ideal situation should be. Just keep quiet.
Imagine little children already struggling to understand why they can’t have their daddy around and you keep asking where’s daddy where’s daddy. Where’s daddy se s3n?
Most times we overlook the feelings of children. Imagine one of the boys thinking that he wasn’t made to lead an exercise in school because he doesn’t have a daddy and tells me “mummy, I wish I had a daddy”. He knew he could lead and he wanted to lead so I explained to him that the teacher said everyone will have the chance to lead before the term ends.
Imagine entering a shop to buy something for the three of us, and a comment appears from nowhere “oh you won’t buy some for your husband?
In this life eh, I’ve come to realize that we can be intentional about what we say, how we say it and where we say it. We can be intentional about how we behave towards others as well so before you open your mouth just think…
Dear Maxwell, your boys are growing, they are doing well. It amazes me the kind of things that can be inherited, sometimes it’s funny. One walks, and I see you in him, another talks and it’s so you. And oh you will marvel at the analysis they can make at this stage. I enjoy listening to them just as I enjoyed listening to you, I end up saying to myself you never went.
You are very much here with us. The only problem is that it would have been nice if you were part of their lives, our lives. Nonetheless, they will have a complete and fulfilled life by God’s grace. Also, can you stop saying I’ve put on weight? Cuz when that boy says it, it sounds too much like you .
Thank you for being a part of us, thank you for sharing yourself with us. We appreciate you okay. We love you, forever!
This is year 4, we will make it count. Everyday is a gift and we will make the most of it . We will chill (in Jerry’s voice ). I will laugh unapologetically, I will dance unapologetically, I will cry when I want to cry, there’s no timetable in this journey. It’s okay to be okay, and it’s okay not to be okay!
Continue to rest well Maxwell
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