It can be super stressful when your boyfriend’s angry, and you might even get that sinking feeling in your stomach or wonder what you can do to make him feel better. Here’s the good news in healthy relationships, anger is a temporary thing. Give him time, and he will calm down, and you two can get through this!
In this particular article, I have put together a guide to help you cheer him up and be a supportive partner when he’s angry.
Listen to his feelings. Your boyfriend likely wants to feel heard and understood. It’s really tempting to want to jump in there and “fix” whatever problem is going on immediately. Hold off for a bit, and pay close attention to what he’s saying. Encourage him to talk about his feelings and ask him about what’s upsetting him. “I’m here for you if you want to talk to me about what’s going on.” “Hey, what’s making you feel this way?”
Give him space to cool off. You can have more productive conversations once he's calm. Even if he’s riled up, stay cool, and try not to take the anger personally. We know staying calm is easier said than done, but as long as he’s a good person and a good boyfriend, he’ll come back around once the initial anger goes away. Then, you’ll be able to have a better conversation to resolve the situation. Try to avoid saying anything to directly contradict him or blame him. Giving him space might look like physically leaving the room or saying something like, “It’s hard for me to talk to you when you’re angry. Let’s take a time-out and come back to this.”
Apologize if you upset him. Saying sorry prevents the conflict from escalating. Even if you didn’t intend to upset him, an apology shows that you empathize with how he feels. Later, you can dive into the underlying problem and express your point of view, but for now, just let him know you’re sorry for hurting his feelings or making him angry. Try something like, “I’m really sorry I made you feel that way.”
Tell him you understand his perspective. Use compassion to help you two move on from the conflict. Try to see things from his side. You might totally disagree with his perspective (and that’s normal and healthy). But put yourself in his shoes for now—it’ll help him feel understood. Tell him his feelings are valid and that you get what he’s going through. “I get how upset you must’ve felt when I had to cancel our weekend trip.” “I can tell that text really upset you. I understand why what I said hurt you.” “It’s fair that you feel like that. I’d be angry, too, if I thought someone was ignoring me on purpose.”
Take him on a fun date. Going on an adventure can help you two break out of a tense situation. Whether he’s angry at you or angry about something else, take a break to spend quality time together and get a change of scenery. Getting him out of the house should help distract him from whatever negative emotions he’s feeling.
Bring him a small gift. Make him feel special with a small surprise. Even if he’s angry, you can still show him you care about him and are there to support him. Try bringing him something small, like one of his favorite treats or something that reminds you of time you’ve spent together. Buy a silly greeting card and write a cute note inside.
Offer him food or something to drink. Food can be comforting, and this small gesture shows him you care. Cook something together, or offer to pick up his favorite takeout. If he’s not very hungry, ask him if you can bring him coffee or a cup of tea. Bring him a few chocolates or go out for ice cream for a fun take on this option.
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