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Dating Romantic

Do Not Marry Until You Can Answer These Questions Honestly

Perhaps you've been dating for a while and are thinking about taking the next step, such as getting engaged or married. Or maybe you've only recently started seeing each other and aren't sure if you should continue. 

A check-in with your partner is never a bad thing, no matter what your situation is. 

Is it time for me to get married? 

When it comes to figuring out the answer to this deeply personal decision, how you approach it matters a lot, and knowing which questions to ask yourself and your boyfriend or girlfriend will help you figure it out. 

Here are 20 deep questions to ask yourself and your boyfriend or girlfriend to assess your relationship before taking a major step like getting engaged, moving in together, or marrying. 

1. Is it making me better or worse, for better or worse? 

Does your partner encourage you to be your best self, or does he or she become intimidated by your accomplishments and feel more secure when you aren't? Does he or she make you feel safe and loved, or does he or she create drama and leave you in a state of limbo? 

Toxic partners deplete and demoralize us, whereas happy, healthy partners bring a sense of calm and excitement into our lives.

It's best to fly solo if your co-pilot isn't trustworthy or prepared to fly long distances. 

2. Do we truly accept each other? 

There will always be things you wish you could change about the people in your life, but no one should feel unable to be authentic and accepted as the one-of-a-kind (yet flawed) individual they are. 

3. Who am I, exactly? 

If you don't know who you are, how can you tell if your partner is a good match? 

Take some time to consider who you are and who you want to be. Learn about your values, non-negotiables, and short- and long-term objectives. 

Before bringing someone else into your life, it's critical to have a good understanding of what you want to experience and achieve in life, as well as what you truly like and don't like. 

4. Is it true that I am content in this relationship? 

The goal of sharing a life together isn't to find someone who will make you happy or complete you. But, let's be honest, being unhappy at home can spill over into other aspects of your life... as well as quickly. 

If you're constantly fighting or just don't feel good about your relationship, it doesn't mean you have to leave (counseling could be a good option), but marrying someone in the hopes of changing things is a bad, bad idea. 

5. Do I have a sense of being trapped? 

Do you want to spend the majority of your time in this relationship or do you find yourself wishing for a way out? Do you stay because you've put in time or because you truly care about your partner? Do you like them, or do you think they're only good on paper? 

6. What am I doing to stifle our progress? 

Perhaps you could be more alert, thoughtful, and quick to let go of things, or you could be the first to suggest going to counseling. Perhaps you're pushing them away because of childhood memories, or your friends are doing "what you always do." 

Take this as a sign to step up, whatever it is.

7. Is this a balanced relationship? 

Do you think you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to compromise, compassion, support, effort, and sacrifice? Or is one of you doing the majority of the giving while the other simply sits with their hand extended? 

8. Is it possible for us to have a good time together? 

This is a crucial one. Have you ever seen two people sitting across from each other at brunch in silence, as if they're being forced to spend their day together? It's not enjoyable. 

9. Is it possible for us to have a good time without each other? 

You guys, co-dependency ain't cute. 

10. I'm not sure why I'm in this relationship. 

Is it because you admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, admire, Or is it because you're afraid of being alone, worried about money, or because you've built a life that you don't want to leave? 

11. What's going on here? 

Living in the moment is wonderful, but the partnership will eventually require a plan, or someone will become anxious. 

Are you communicating with one another and understanding each other's expectations? 

12. Do I have complete faith in my partner? 

The immediate reaction of some people to this can be devastating. If you're one of them, it's time to think about why and how you can start to rebuild trust. 

There isn't a chance without it. 

13. Is the person I'm with trustworthy? 

Would you recommend your partner to a friend based on what you know about them now? 

14. Is my partner attractive to me? 

Physical attraction isn't the most important factor in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in one with someone you don't like just because it's convenient or "perfect on paper" isn't fair to anyone. You'll be resentful, and they'll feel abandoned. 

15. Is it better for me to be a parent or a partner? 

Taking care of someone you care about is admirable, but when you're raising a boyfriend — or, worse, a husband — things get a little more complicated. 

You'll be irritated by his childish behavior. Who wants to sleep with their mother, anyway? 

16. Is my partner on my side? 

Do you have the feeling that you're part of a close-knit group that looks out for one another, supports one another, and maintains a united front (even when the other isn't present)? Or do you feel like your friend is constantly throwing you under the bus? 

17. Is it possible that we're looking in the same direction? 

Some couples avoid having difficult conversations (religion, marriage, and children) because they believe that these issues will magically resolve themselves. They're in a complicated, painful situation by the time they realize they won't, and one (or both) of them feels duped. 

You're both doing yourselves and each other a disservice if you want kids and your partner thinks you're both living in the moment and fine with the status quo (and wasting time). 

18. Are we progressing as a team? 

We all have the right to grow, develop, and create a full life for ourselves as human beings living on this planet. Are you and your partner still pursuing your individual (and shared) passions and evolving as individuals? 

19. Am I still the same person? 

On any level, falling in love with someone should not require us to change our identities to fit someone else's idea of who we should be. 

20. What is it that my instincts are telling me? 

Do you believe this relationship is healthy and moving in a positive direction at a healthy pace? 

There's a reason you have intuition. Pay attention to yourself.

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